A dear friend had told me the day before our daughter died to look for angels; not the kind with wings but the angels which came in different forms. Soon after she made that suggestion I saw my first angel. She happened to be the charge nurse in the hospice unit but she wasn’t just any charge nurse. She had worked as a CNA in my department while she was a nursing student at Clemson. The moment I saw her walking down the hall some of my anxiety and fear lessened. I had no idea that she was working in that area and she had no idea that our daughter was a patient on that floor. She was wonderful to all of us and especially to our daughter. MF was our first angel.
At the insistence of our son-in-law, a sister-in-law and my best friend, I accompanied them to the hospital cafeteria even though I had no interest in eating anything. While waiting in line to pay for my lunch I saw someone who I had worked with at my former place of employment. I stepped out of line, called her name and she immediately came over to me. Through my tears I briefly told her what was happening. She put her hands on my shoulders and in the middle of a busy hospital cafeteria, she prayed with me and for our daughter. Such a sweet, heartfelt prayer spoken with true love and compassion and she reminded me that God was in control. Her faith was steadfast and I needed her that day. True to her word, she visited our daughter’s room several times and each time I knew that prayers were being said for our daughter even if they weren’t spoken. CJ appeared at a very vulnerable time for me. She was an angel…
Friends and family have been with us every step of the way and by our side they remain. The many calls and cards, the food, the visits, the prayers, the genuine concern shown by our friends and family has been overwhelming. Five weeks have passed but the love shown by everyone continues. We have been and continue to be surrounded by angels.
Today was a very difficult day. The tears would not stop. I couldn’t think of anything but our daughter. I relived her birth, her first day of school. I remembered the excitement and the huge smile on her face when she showed us the engagement ring that her beloved Doug had given her. I remembered “the look” when she realized that she had just tried on “the dress”, the perfect wedding dress that she chose for their wedding. She was such a beautiful bride and my heart was filled with joy because I knew that she and Doug loved each other so much and that their marriage would be blessed by God…Staying focused on my task at hand was nearly impossible. My heart wouldn’t allow that. Not today.
A family friend had given me a devotional book, Healing After Loss, which I keep on my desk at work. The daily devotions are often less than a full page and never more than a page which is good. I don’t think that I could read a lengthy anything right now. The book is an amazing book, so poignant and I am grateful for my special gift given to me by an angel.
Two beautiful flowers from two very special people were delivered to my office today. One might think that it was just a coincidence but I would disagree. The cut flowers were almost identical to the flowers that were in our daughter’s bouquet and our son-in-law’s boutonnière. The potted plant contained beautiful anthuriums which our daughter had always loved. Again, angels made their presence known through the delivery of beautiful flowers.
Finally, a friend called this evening and invited us to her house for a relaxing dinner and a time of fellowship. She had no idea that my day had been so difficult. She had no idea that my husband and I both cried during church tonight. Her timing was God sent as all angels are. We love you, EG.
I’m quite sure that there will be many more difficult days ahead of us for a long, long time. I am sure that there will be days when all I can do is cry. I am grateful that we have such a wonderful group of friends and family who are sincere when they say “if you need anything at all” and mean it.
You were right, CT, when you suggested that I look around for angels. I didn’t really have to look though. It seems they were looking for me and my family all along. Thanks be to God.