It’s been one month since I saw your beautiful face and held your hand. As I laid beside you in that hospital bed I prayed for a miracle. Oh how we all wanted you to recover and wake up. We sang to you, told you how precious you were to all of us. We prayed for you. It just couldn’t be happening. We couldn’t be losing our daughter, Robert’s sister and Wesley’s Aunt Jenn. Doug couldn’t be losing his wife. It all seemed like a horrible nightmare and we couldn’t wake up. We listened to every breath that you took. We looked for any sign that you were still with us. You gave us a sign at times and that gave us hope. We know you heard us. We know you heard our prayers. We know you loved us as much as we loved you. We still love you and we always will.
I still want to call you everyday. When I get a text message I find myself thinking it is you. There is so much that I wanted us to do together. We were going to have so many adventures. We always had adventures when we went somewhere and none of them were planned. They just happened and we would usually laugh so hard that our cheeks and stomachs would hurt so bad. I often wondered what people thought when they saw us laughing so hard. The looks that we would often get were priceless and We could only imagine what they were thinking.
As we have been reminded by Rusty and by others, we got our miracle; just not how we had hoped it would be. Our miracle was when you walked hand-in-hand with Jesus to your heavenly home. We are thankful that you are no longer in pain and that your body is healed. We are thankful that your faith was so strong and you knew that you would one day see Grandma Taylor and so many other family members and friends again. It wasn’t supposed to be this way though. We weren’t supposed to outlive you. I know we shouldn’t question and ask why but it’s impossible not to ask. I know that God only loaned you to us for a while but we weren’t ready to give you up. It’s hard, honey. It’s hard not seeing you, not talking to you, not hearing your wonderful laughter or seeing you act silly with Wesley. Everything is harder now. The tears I’ve cried could fill an ocean. I’m crying now. I cry so much these days. I miss you so much and what I would give to have one more day with you. Just know, Jennifer, that you are loved so much and missed even more. Let us know as often as you can that you are okay. Watch over us, honey. We need you. I love you, Mommy.