You have been gone 2 months today. It has been 2 months since I saw your beautiful face, heard your sweet voice and hugged you as I told you how much I loved you. It’s been 2 months but it seems like a lifetime.
Everyday I pray that I will dream about you. Oh how I want to see you and hear you even if only in a dream. So many memories go through my mind everyday, happy memories, but they always bring tears. I thank God everyday for the privilege of being your mom for 37 years but I also ask God why you had to leave us so soon. He had plans for you before you were even born and I know that I shouldn’t question Him but the pain is so deep and I just can’t understand why you had to leave us so soon. I prayed for God to take me and spare you. That wasn’t His plan. Anyone who knows me knows that I would do anything for my family. Anything.
Most days I can do fairly well because I’m at work and I know that you remember our daily conversations. I looked forward to your calling me or texting me. It was always a bright spot in a sometimes very stressful day. Nights and weekends are hard, honey. Dad and I try to stay busy but you are always on my mind. You will always be on my mind. You and your brother are my world and although you are not here with us, you are still part of my world. Every decision I make, every thought I have about future plans, vacations, what to buy; everything is done with the two of you always in the equation. Doug, Caitlin and Wesley are also part of the equation. Even though you are not here, I always think about what you would say or do; would you approve or would you just look at me and say “Mom, really”? We didn’t always agree and that was okay. Imagine how boring it would have been if we always agreed. Dr. James Dobson wrote a very good book, “The Strong-Willed Child” and much of what he wrote was true, but oh how much better the book would have been if he had only met you and your brother before writing it! The two of you were/are strong-willed and we wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Two months isn’t a long time relatively speaking, but when part of one’s heart is missing and the rest is absolutely broken, two months is a lifetime.
Our lives will continue to go on and I know that is what you would want, but our lives will never be the same because we no longer have you.
I love you and miss you so much.