I pray every night that I will dream about you. I want to see your beautiful face and hear your sweet voice again, if only in a dream. Yet, those dreams allude me and I don’t know why. One friend suggested that I wasn’t ready yet. Another friend suggested that because you are constantly on my mind, the dreams won’t come. I can’t stop thinking about you. I go to bed with you on my mind and I wake up with you on my mind. Throughout the day I think of you. I just can’t stop.

Yesterday at Robert’s house as I was playing with Wesley, I longed to hear your laughter and I know I would have, especially when Wesley tried so hard to get his daddy’s attention by calling “Daddy”. When that didn’t work, he very clearly said “Robert” and that got everyone’s attention! Your laughter would have overshadowed everyone else’s laughter because as your tag says, you “lov2laf”. You would have also loved watching Wesley help Rob and Robert paint. He loves to be involved in anything that his daddy and Papa are doing.

With all of the football games on TV yesterday he thought that we should be going to Clemson to the FOOTBALL GAME! That child loves Clemson football and even when another team is playing on TV, he still yells, “Go Tigers”! He and I have only made it for one play so far. It has been so hot and neither he nor I wanted to stay out in the brutal heat. It just wasn’t safe to chance getting overheated. Hopefully this weekend will be different. We play Louisville at night, so please watch over us and help us to bring home a win. I know that you will be yelling from Heaven; perhaps you and Coach Howard could send down some help if needed. When you see all of the balloons soaring up to the heavens, remember that they are just a symbol of how much I love you and how much I miss you. I know that you would be the first one up on Saturday to get things ready for the game. You loved this time of year so much. It just doesn’t seem right that you are not here. There is a hole in my heart that will never heal because a broken heart can’t heal. A dear friend gave me a bracelet whch is inscribed “I will hold you in my heart until I can hold you in Heaven.” I wear it everyday and I wear my cross necklace which contains some of your ashes everyday. That way I always have you near my heart. I guess we are just slowly adjusting to your not being physically here with us. We will never get over it; how can we??

We are keeping Sadie and Briscoe for a while. Doug went on vacation with his parents and we didn’t want them in a kennel. We had missed seeing them. Sadie especially is lonely. It is quite obvious. She just lies on the sofa and gets up only to eat and to go outside. She is depressed and I know she misses you. Briscoe is the same as always.🙂 I believe that Doug has to go to Phoenix on a business trip soon so we will most likely keep them until he returns. They miss Doug, too. They don’t understand why he isn’t here. They will be happy to get back to their home. I can tell that they are homesick for Doug. Daddy is going to see Dr. Lindsey tomorrow to see if he will prescribe maintenance anti-inflammatory meds for Sadie. She has a torn ACL but it doesn’t seem to bother her very much. She limps at times unless she sees a squirrel…😊 If humans can be maintained on NSAIDS I don’t know why pets can’t be, Of course the final decision will be Doug’s. I just hate for her to have surgery especially at her age and she and Briscoe would have to be separated whch would be traumatic for both of them. They have had so many changes in their lives already.

I took sunset pictures tonight, actually I took 172! I can hear you laughing and saying “bless” because of that. One reason that I take so many pictures is because every time I look up at the heavens I like to think that you are looking down at me.

I miss you so much, honey. I have noticed that my hair is falling out by the handful most days and I had actually thought about going to the wig shop on Saturday but I couldn’t muster up the nerve just yet. I will have to do that soon because my hair is thinning so badly. I understand that stress can cause this and I believe it. If only you were here…not for my hair, but because a part of me is missing and always will be.

Robert and Caitlin are doing well. Baby Sexton is growing and I know that you already know what the baby is. If you come to me in a dream and tell me, I promise not to tell them. 🙏

It’s time for me to go to bed. As usual I will say my prayers and will ask for that dream to come to me in my sleep. I hug your baby pillow and the last shirt that your wore to the hospital every night. I kiss them goodnight and I kiss my necklace good night. I hope you can feel those kisses.

I love you, Jennifer. I miss you with every breath that I take. Maybe tonight I will see you and hear your sweet voice…

Mom