Yesterday while your dad was at the audiologist, I was at the mall; the one that  you and I grumbled about every Christmas season yet we would still go and then would always vow never to go back there again.

I am pretty sure now that I will not go there again. As I walked up and down the mall, so many memories came to me. The Walking Store where you got your favorite shoes. Coach, where we had to go in and “just look” and where you would drop a not-so-subtle hint when you saw a purse that you liked. The calendar kiosk, the jewelry stores; the memories came so quickly and I wasn’t prepared. The noise of the people talking and walking past me became overwhelming. I felt like I was going to scream or burst into tears or fall to my knees. People were everywhere but I was so alone.

Nothing is the same anymore. The things you and I would do together during the holidays were so special and so much fun. By now you would have reminded me several times that it was “cheese straw time”. You would have already called me to tell me what Christmas movies you had watched so far and what you would be watching next. You loved everything about the holidays and could hardly wait for our adventures to begin. I could hardly wait for them to begin.

I miss you so much, honey.  I never knew that one could feel so alone in such a crowded place but I know now.  I never realized how precious memories could hurt so much but I realize that now.  As grateful as I am for those precious memories, I never imagined that we would stop making more memories.  There was so much that I wanted us to do.  There were so many more mother-daughter adventures in store for us.

Why did they have to stop?  Why does life have to throw us curve balls?  It just isn’t fair. You should still be here.

I miss you so much, honey, so very much. And as Grandma Taylor would say, I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck, forever and ever.

Mom